Paying attention to your friend in a conversation is called "attending." It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at the time. Attending includes:

Physical Presence

Friendships are a building process. You and your friend gradually share interests, feelings, and goals. Much of this is done by being together physically. Your physical presence shows your friend that you care about him. It affirms that he is important to you.

Focusing

Focusing means all of your physical and psychological attention is directed toward your friend during the entire conversation. Your body language is good. You are facing and slightly inclined toward your friend. Your facial expressions show interest.

Keep the focus on your friend. Relating similar personal experiences or offering solutions to problems takes focus away from your friend and places it on you. Even though you may feel you are offering empathy or sympathy in this manner, it may seem that you can turn any conversation around to you.

Looking

Remember to look with your eyes.

A classic example of looking with "your eyes" is a child coloring while her mother cleans the kitchen. The child finishes a picture and says, "Look at this one, Mommy."

The mother mumbles, ' "That's great," while continuing to chop vegetables.

Finally the child says, "Look now, Mommy. Look with your eyes."

Touching

Good friends want to touch. Good friends touch comfortably.

Sometimes just sitting and holding the hand of a friend or touching them on the arm communicates our depth of feeling. When you need to offer comfort, extend encouragement, or express sympathy to a friend, a simple touch can say more than any words.

Men, in particular, have a hard time touching. When friendship has progressed, however, a pat on the back or a playful punch on the shoulder is acceptable to most men.

A friend's touch is comforting.




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